I used to see the world in color. Vibrant, brilliant colors, but somewhere between nights out dancing with friends and nights in with a cup of tea, my view faded from bright to dull. The pink hue of my childhood was stripped of it’s red and I was left with white. The white bounced off of black and in crowded gray. It wasn’t until I had my children that I realized just how much gray had been a staple in my life. From my opinion of people and humanity, to the drab dark colored clothes I wore. It surrounded me. I was happy, but so many layers of me had been stripped away from experiences and choices I had made. I teach and guide my children everyday, but the real educators are them. They have not only given me bright sparkly colors, but they have taught me to stop and smell the flowers…and then take a Benadryl.
My children are wild. Wildly fun, wildly humorous, wildly entertaining, curious, exquisite, and miraculous. They are also at times, as children can be, wildly frustrating. I find myself (more often than I like) getting caught up in the hustle of daily life tasks. Feeling like we are always running late and getting frustrated when my beautiful wild little get frustrated at my errands or expectations. Trying to fit it all in becomes exhausting and sometimes overwhelming. After caring for my family, preparing meals, getting to school and activities, exercising, eating those prepared meals, cleaning the clothes after the eating, playing with my kiddos, work, spending time as a couple, and the rest of the list of tasks to do; I feel cheated on time. Precious time. My heart often aches because when my head finally sinks into my memory foam pillow, we are all one more day older and while the pillow has a good memory, I feel like a claw machine trying to grab onto everything so I can file it away. For so long I felt like I was missing out and rushing through my days like my backside would ignite in flames if I stopped.
Recently, my oldest and I planted flowers together. Which really turned into we did three flowers as a potting duet and I did the rest while she played with a bucket of rocks. I was shoveling and patting quickly to just get the job done when I looked up at her precious face nuzzling a marigold with her perfect little nose. It was in that moment that my gaze yearned longingly to live in the moment and just take in the beauty of the bounty before us. So I stopped. I moved over, sat in a pile of dirt and smelled the flowers with my big little. The smell was sweet and if you closed your eyes, it was like you could taste spring. I felt yellow. I became yellow. My heart sang in that 13.5 second window of time and it ached to feel more. Somewhere in the hustle of every day, I had lost the ability to find the good. To feel the colors.
Now like most things, my action created a reaction and my flower sniffing euphoria of emotions collided with my allergies. In the coin toss of the football game in my sinuses, allergies won and the kick off commenced as they bounded to the end zone. The thing is , I wouldn’t change the course of my actions despite the puffy eyes and impressive bouts of sneezing. In life we have choices, opportunities each day. We can play it safe in the gray area, or get out and experience life around us. Our life, this life has an expiration date. Tomorrow is not a given nor is the day after. Find time every day to just stop. Take in the smell of the coffee beans before you wake your soul in the morning. Eat foods that keep you good, but also treat yourself to the ones that taste like a little slice of heaven. Play with your children, the dishes can wait. Spend time with your loved ones, that time is a gift. Hold your pets, because to them, you are their entire world. Continue to learn. Exercise. Dance it out. Doing something for yourself is doing sometching for those you love. Taking care of yourself first enables you to care for others not only whole heartedly, but also uninterrupted and completely. Life is hard, but it doesn’t have to always be difficult. Don’t let the minutes grow wings and take flight. Just stop. Stop and smell the flowers….and then take a Benadryl.
Until next time,
One Cool Nerd Mommy
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